Caree Brown L.C.S.W.
Psychotherapy

Embracing the Uncertainty of Life

February 15, 2010

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”  Kierkgaard’s statement is a powerful reminder of three pieces of timeless wisdom pertaining to the uncertainty of life.

First, we need to make “room” in our thinking for the unfolding MYSTERY of our lives. While our choices do have a great deal to do with how our lives may turn out,  we do not have complete control over our future.  There are parts of our lives within our control, and parts over which we do not have a say.  The more we can let go of what is not ours to control, the more positive energy we can bring to that which we can control.

Second, we need to learn to get more comfortable with the UNCERTAINTY that this MYSTERY brings to us. Each and every day of our lives, we are seduced by things that seem to offer us certainty and security.  We resist the notion that life isn’t always going to go as planned, and seek to control every circumstance we perceive will bring us good health, endless youth, financial or emotional stability.  But the sooner we learn that there really is no comfortable, predictable, lasting certainty to many aspects of our lives, the sooner we can more gracefully accept the basic impermanence and unpredictability of life, and turn our energies toward dealing more effectively with life on its own terms.

Third, we need to stay mindful that “time waits for no one,” and that we cannot afford to get stuck in the abyss of indecision while LIFE MOVES ON.  We cannot expect ourselves to have all the answers before we must make all our important decisions. Remember: “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”  True, with age comes wisdom.  But so many of our big life decisions cannot wait for the wisdom of the years.  If life truly must be “lived forwards” and understood later ,without all the answers to guide us, then sometimes the best we can do is shore up our courage, follow our instincts,  and just "go for it, " with the lessons coming only afterwards.

And so, at times "life happens while we are making other plans" and because we don't always have all the answers when we need them, sometimes our only means of transportation along our journey . .   is a giant leap of faith!  This will preserve the fluidity of our lives and give us the "lessons" and the understanding that sometimes come only after we have acted.

Keeping It Simple

January 1, 2010

At this time of year, what if we could come up with only one resolution that would take us significantly closer to all our goals, assure us a higher level of self-esteem and ultimately come closer to true happiness and fulfillment by the same time next year?

While we cannot always control the actual outcome of our choices, it is nevertheless the nature of our choices that create the vast majority of the situations in our life, as well as how we feel about ourselves at the deepest level. Therefore, what if we could focus on making all our choices SELF-EMPOWERING ones? Not just the big ones like career changes or marriage, but even those little daily ones, like what we eat for breakfast and what time we go to bed. They are the ones that leave us feeling energized and more in control of our efforts. They generally give us the sense of doing what is right in the situation and increase our self-respect and confidence. If we can become more conscious of the power of our choices, we will be harnessing the power of the present moment to propel us full speed in the direction of our goals.

It is so easy to go into denial about our habits of self-sabotage. When we come from our weakest selves instead of our highest, we deny ourselves our own love and the right to have what we most deeply desire. Instead of feeling strong, directed and confident, we create days of stress and dis-ease and can't seem to figure out what we are doing wrong. We depend too much on others for our own sense of fulfillment and gratification. But it never really comes. Until we realize that we hold the key to unlock our dreams, we never end up using the power that we do have.

Each empowering choice shores us up to make the next one. As we start feeling stronger, our self-discipline gets easier and easier. It becomes less difficult to resist the kind of immediate gratification that plays havoc with our goals and dreams.

If we can wake up each morning looking for opportunities to make as many empowering choices as we can, then we will be able to feel the clarity of focus and the exhilaration that comes with living a life of integrity and purpose. We will be living a life that holds itself together by the sheer power of its congruency . . . and actively moving closer to our goals will become a natural outgrowth of the way we live.