Please realize that if you and your partner are happy with your sex life, that is all that counts.
Don’t worry about the national average of sexual frequency. Don’t feel repressed if you don’t have a trapeze hanging in your bedroom. Don’t feel inferior to your best friend who says she has multiple orgasms every day of the week except for Saturday when she has more. (No wonder she always looks so exhausted!)
Sex isn’t a competitive sport. It isn’t something that should be measured. It’s meant to bring the two of you closer together, to connect in a way that none of your other relationships can. It belongs to only the two of you. Sex is highly personal and individual so please focus on yourself and your partner and don’t worry about comparisons. It is a great way to reboot, refresh, and recommit to each other.
Do yourselves a favor and redefine your sex life and your expectations after you have children. Remember that sex begins outside the bedroom. We cannot expect to be able to flip our libidos on and off like a light switch. Sometimes a well-timed tender touch, loving smile or encompassing hug can connect us and cultivate intimacy in ways that may be as impactful as sex. All of which is a good thing because most young couples are lucky if they have enough energy to just cuddle each other before falling asleep at night!
If and when the couple feels like they would like to have sex but they are just too exhausted, ie., the mind is willing but the body isn’t quite there, I have a little trick that seems to help out. Fill the bathroom sink with ice cold water and submerge the face for about fifteen seconds. Repeat three times. You will have a rush of energy that will last about an hour, more than enough time to refresh your sexual connection. And you will appreciate your and your partner’s courage in bracing the cold water!
Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling in Walnut Creek
Caree Brown takes pride in providing marriage counseling and couples therapy for those who want to be heard. She is a two-time Best of the Bay winner and offers group therapy or individual counseling in Walnut Creek.